Parent care when you can’t be there

By on November 4, 2008

Expat families in Japan often balance long hours in the world’s most demanding workplace with family lives complicated by the needs of school-age children. Families with ageing parents overseas bear an added weight of worry and the lurking dread of getting “the Call”. A parent care crisis can unleash an overwhelming tsunami of logistical challenges and emotional stress. In a world of uncertainty it doesn’t hurt to be prepared so use this five-step process to jump-start preparation of your own long distance parent care strategy.

STEP 1. Identify Tasks

Involve your parents A respectfully worded letter can introduce the need to make and follow a plan. Encourage your parents to discuss long term care and end-of-life wishes with those holding Power of Attorney and other close family members. Consider engaging a geriatric care manager  to be parents’ “first call” resource, and to facilitate communication (www.caremanager.org).

Be accessible Ensure that parents, primary care doctor, neighbors, and close relatives can reach you at all times.

Schedule periodic visits See what is really going on. Watch for signs that can signal a decline in physical or mental capability.

Healthcare Collect all contact information and condition(s) treated from all healthcare providers. Obtain a list of all medications including prescriptions, over-the-counter, and supplements and collate Medical history and Health insurance information. Obtain “Vial of Life” (USA). It speaks for elders when they cannot speak for themselves. Emergency medical personnel, use information it contains during the first few minutes of a critical illness or accident in an elder’s home (www.vialoflife.com).

Parent Care Crisis Kit Carry contact information for all the above at all times. Be prepared to email details of the above and  documents giving you authority to make healthcare decisions for your parent.

Establish a local support network Ask people who see, or interact with your parents regularly, to alert you if they notice any sign of trouble.

Finance & Legal You may need to handle your parents’ financial and legal affairs. Advance arrangements may be required; get acquainted.

STEP 2. Asses “skill sets”–Yours and individuals in your family and friends network

Consider each person’s skills, interests, communication style, comfort level, availability and reliability. Review your task list and match individuals with tasks and roles.

STEP 3. Delegate–Clarify roles and obtain agreement to fulfill tasks

Talk with each person about their willingness to handle particular tasks. Schedule appointments with a doctor, lawyer, accountant or other professional at least a month in advance and confirm close to date.

STEP 4. Develop a communication plan

Designate one person to be the family’s sole contact with healthcare providers and medical facilities during a crisis. This person can provide daily updates to family members.

STEP 5. Establish and follow a timetable for reviewing and revising your strategy as parents’ needs change

For example, as eyesight fails, in addition to help with housekeeping, your parent will need help with grocery shopping and medication management and you will adjust your support network accordingly.

Marcia Johnson marcia@binocvision.com works with English speaking expatriates and with global organizations that employ such people. Her specialty is selecting geriatric care manager candidates near parents in Canada and the USA.

 

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