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What to do if your partner is a slob at home

By on November 28, 2009

photo by komiyusa

Relationships require agreement in many life areas, and living together accentuates this need. The details of how to manage a household can create stress when that agreement is not present.

What to do, then, if you discover that your significant other, the love of your life, is a slob?

From a Feng Shui perspective, every part of your home relates to an aspect of your life, so an overall level of tidiness and cleanliness is essential for spiritual as well as personal hygiene. So how can you manage your home if your honey is a pig? Before throwing a hissy fit and filing for divorce, there are options. 

The first thing is to name it. No, not “Honey, you’re a pig,” but perhaps, “Let’s discuss how we can make our home comfortable for both of us.” Just because someone does not instinctively keep things tidy doesn’t mean that the thought of an organized home is nauseating to them – their first priorities simply lie elsewhere. Inevitably one partner is going to be tidier and more organized than the other, and if that is you, you will be doing lots of tidying up if your partner isn’t made aware of the importance of a clean space to you. One of the sure-fire ways to damage a relationship is to think that your partner should know what you want without your having to say it. Speak as clearly and non-judgmentally as you can.

It is important to arrange a system that allows for the maintenance of the space. Whether it’s underwear on the floor or stacks of mail at the entrance, do what is possible to make keeping things tidy an easy task. If it’s clothes, consider an attractive laundry basket as an alternative to the chair or floor. For the mail, a basket near the usual dumping ground could keep things tidier.

You can also do some of the cleaning tasks as part of your together time. (This is a good idea even if your partner isn’t untidy.) Why not make cleaning and chores part of your activities, much like couples use cooking as an opportunity to create together? Activities that might be considered boring are often seen differently when shared with someone we care for. Making the clean-up fun could ease tensions that can lead to long-term resentment and bickering.

There may have to be compromises, as there are in all relationships. You might have to do more around the house than your partner does, depending on your respective schedules and desires. If the relationship is worth keeping, it is worthwhile being creative about how to keep a tidy home in the least stressful way. Keep the communication clear, honest, and respectful, and the emotional space in the home will be clean too!

 

About Mark Ainley

Mark Ainley is a Contemporary Feng Shui Consultant and Emotional Stress Consultant living in Vancouver. A former 5-year resident of Tokyo, Mark consults with clients internationally to help them design living and work spaces in alignment with their goals. He also provides consulting in emotional stress management, as well as in the connection between facial structure and innate behavioural and communication patterns. He can be reached through his website: www.senseofspace.com and www.markainley.com.