Tech it easy!

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Photo © Elena Derevtsova

 

Smart phones and social networking are all a product of today’s technology that created a big change in how people react and interact today.  

 

Just last year, the media reported that as much as 60 per cent of the world’s population own a cell phone.  Everyday, a new technology is introduced to the market and we are fed with tons of information and choices.  The emergence of social media like Facebook has its advantages to many but so too are the not-so-nice things that unfortunately happen to some.

 

Social Media Rants

Addiction

 “I admit that this indispensable piece of communication tool —the iPhone— offered me the convenience of knowing instantly how my folks, in-laws and siblings back home were doing.  It also helped me track my husband’s whereabouts when he was late for dinner,  enabled my kids to contact me in case  I got caught in a traffic jam and was running late for school pick-ups, or friends to ring me up to alert me on the next networking event.  When I pop in too early at a dental appointment,  the game apps on this small piece of gadget never failed to keep me entertained.  In this age and time, it is almost rare to find someone who does not carry around a handset.  Is owning a mobile phone these days a convenience, necessity or merely to keep up with technology?

 

As a full-time housewife with a family to look after, I have always considered owning one as necessity until the iPhone came out with sophisticated social networking applications that began a shift in its raison d’etre and eventually caused a compulsive behaviour in me.  None of it is iPhone’s fault for sure!   But who could resist  the savvy apps that have been added to iPhone lately?  The fun I was having  tweeting and Facebooking came as a trial at first.  “This is so cool,” I once said to myself until the nightmare began after prolonged use.  I got addicted.

 

It all started when I made a search and found people I know: long lost friends, ex-classmates, work colleagues and even families who,  like myself, happen to have been bitten by the Facebook bug.  I thought it was a smart idea to have everyone I know all connected in one platform and being in the know about what each one is up to, what friends are talking about, etc.  The whole interactive experience was pretty engaging … if only I had just myself to think about.   

 

I read every posting, Youtube or news links my friends shared, hit the “like” or “unlike” button oftentimes, posted a comment, shared the same myself and joined a thousand fan pages.  As the number of friends in my network increased at a fast pace,  so too did the number of post alerts I was getting hour by hour and endless chatting that constantly kept me awake long hours until my engagement to the social media heightened to distracting levels.  It came to a peak point where I was devoting too much time and energy in the activity,  neglecting some of my family duties in order to free myself of time for the pursuit of entertainment.  The live chatting with friends from a different time zone robbed me of some sleeping time.  As a consequence, I ended up no longer the first but the last to wake up in the morning, oftentimes tired and at my grouchiest mood when mundane domestic chores got in the way of my social networking time.  The worst of all is that, I was starting to focus less and less on what I was feeding my family, preparing unhealthy meals instead of home-cooked ones which I felt so sorry about at times.  It was only when my children  ranted to me about being tired of eating pizza practically everyday that I have suddenly come to accept the most inconvenient truth: the whole Facebooking thing has taken a toll on my family.  I immediately shifted to being gadget-less for a while.  The first two weeks was hard but then it has been 45 days now that I have stayed on Facebook no longer than 30 minutes a day and I do not feel having missed something.  Today, I am back in command at the kitchen, getting enough sleep and my kids are now enjoying eating healthier meals.”

                                                                     S. Gravier,  age 42, female

Distraction 

“I run a small online business and used to have eleven people working for me. Two years ago, all this changed when the Lehman Brothers collapsed and I had to downsize in half.  This came to me as a big blow because I now have to work longer hours multitasking including taking home work until the economy improved and allow me to hire people again.  I normally start the day with three desktops and one laptop running simultaneously along with an average of five to six live programs.  What keeps me busy at most is observing what other online stores are doing, gathering industry information, and interacting with people in the field.  With all the endless monitoring I do consisting of research, pulling up a flood of e-mails and being present in industry-related chat boards in three languages, I became easily stressed up and distracted.  Twitter and Facebook became “escape land” to me which I enjoyed, but I did not get my job done.  I went to see a therapist who explained to me that the prolonged brain activity shifts slowing down my reflexes is what was making me tired, less efficient, and non-communicative.  My daughter has even cracked a joke or two about my  status changing from a “reliable” to “completely useless” dad because I am always mentally exhausted to do homework tutoring with her at home.” 

                                                                                       M. Terada, age 55, male             

 

Dissociation from reality

“For the past decade or so, social networking websites have been the online craze. Now, don’t get me wrong: I think it’s a fantastic and efficient way to communicate with friends and family, near and far, as well as to make new acquaintances. But paradoxically, it appears this networking tool can also have an alienating effect, dissociating young minds from reality. Prior to the Internet, kids spent their days at friends’ houses or in playgrounds – cultivating their social skills. However, being overly reliant as many are today on sites like Facebook, Twitter, or MySpace as more than forms of communication seems to have hindered Gen-Y’s progress in that department, and distracting them from pursuing human contact and cultivating deep friendships with people in real life. In the end, it’s healthy to have others to keep in touch with even when the computer shuts down.”

 

                                                                M. Joseph, age 23, male 

Privacy

“I enjoy being on Facebook because I am able to interact with friends overseas as well as classmates in Tokyo.  The beauty of Facebook is that we are all able to share pictures and get event updates for parties to go to.  The bad part is getting yourself tagged in a photo that you do not want other friends to see.  I think Facebook needs to fix this if they want to expand the number of Facebookers.”

                                                                 Catherine, age 16, female    

 

A word of advice

Know yourself well.  Focus on priorities.  No one can generalize how much of information one can realistically consume without getting distracted and ultimately lose focus.  

 

One dad whose bread and butter for years has been the Internet said, “We have a high-schooler and a middle-schooler in the home, plenty of online and recorded video, no commercial or CATV of any kind, scads of laptops -and yet, we read books, talk at dinner, walk on beaches, and write stories. It’s not easy and takes work.  But if there’s anything the info age has taught us, it’s that we should approach connectivity, media, and data like we approach food. Consume a bunch of junk and you’ll get sick. Consume too much of even good stuff and you’ll feel ill. Good data in moderatio
seems to be the
icket.”

 

“Own your machines, but don’t let them own you,” a smart tip from a dad who is living it!

 

Warning signs that technology is possessing you.

 

You can not part with your gadget/computer  even during rest hours and vacation. 

 

You become irritable, grouchy when you are not getting an Internet connection.

 

You are either always late for school or appointments or burned your fries way too much because you got too engrossed in the Internet.   

You avoid or restrict yourself from participating longer hours in social activities to check your e-mails and social media sites or surf the web.

 

You prefer to cultivate cyber friendships than to make real-life friends.

 

WHAT THE EXPERTS SAY…

 

Q: Why do people lose control and get addicted to Facebook or other social networking sites?  

Dr. Berger says: Humans have a natural need to socialize and interact with others. Especially for adolescents and young adults, they have a strong drive for acceptance and to be part of the “in crowd”, and these sites cause the most problems for this age group. Facebook or other social networking sites take advantage of this need, adding the ability to exchange photos and other media as kind of a “show-and-tell” where one can receive positive feedback, and the use of this kind of medium can explode. 

    

Q: Why can getting hooked on it have damaging consequences?

Dr. Berger says:  Naturally, too much time spent on one’s PC can impair family, school, or work function. If the parents try too hard to control the child, there can be intense fights for control. 

  

Q:  How can one detach healthily from too much dependence on gadgets?

Dr. Berger says: As noted above, the main reason for the explosion of social networking sites is for social acceptance. This is really no different from hanging out at the hamburger joint, street corner, or movie theater as in the ’50s and ’60s, the mall as in the ’70s or ’80s, e-mail or chat rooms as in the ’90s, or just to spend hours on the phone as many young people have done for decades. If someone is too engrossed in one of these sites and there is family trouble, or if the person has other psychiatric symptoms (ie, they are depressed, feel rejected easily, or can’t pay attention to things of priority, etc.), then they should be seen by a mental health professional.

 

Doug Berger, M.D., Ph.D provides mental health care for individuals, couples and families, in both English and Japanese at the Meguro Counseling Center.    www.megurocounseling.com 

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