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The pains of teen parenting

By on September 28, 2010
Photo © Elena Derevtsova
 
Parenting teens of today can be revolting to some but easy to others.  When the child becomes a teenager, parents are required to adapt to a different mindset.  From 11 years onward, the change in teen behaviour becomes apparent.  The thought process shifts from fixed  to abstract.  Parents who do not adjust to these changes continue to experience challenging times with them, which could result in arguments and other serious matters.  Understanding how best to keep sane and resilient while coping with the changes at play ensures a  harmonious relationship between your teens and yourself.

Becoming a parent does not necessarily mean having to be perfect in this role or to lose one’s identity.  This is true when children are young but when they grow up and enter into adolescence, all stages of change affect most parents significantly, leading them to question whether their parenting style is effective.

While it is important for parents to know and understand their role in supporting the transitional difficulties related to the moments of crisis that accompany various developmental stages their teens go through,  let us not forget that parents are perceived by their children as "providers" of their needs and welfare.  It is very common to experience periods of great stress, suffering, and anxiety.  The discomfort may have obvious manifestations such as keeping stress to oneself and suffering in silence.  This can lead to some self-damage.  The recurring questions about what to do, how to behave, what is right and wrong, how to adjust to their children growing up, what will happen when they become adults, etc.  only triggers a parent’s state of anxiety, uncertainty, insecurity or rigidity in communicating and interacting with their teens.  True, the responsibility falls on the parent but the stress is often caused by the pressure dictated by society to be "good parents".  The sudden physiological changes in teen children occurring significantly in adolescence, calls for new needs, new desires, and a new approach, requiring parents to adjust their behavior just as quickly.  Parents are most likely to feel that they are losing control and authority in rearing children in the stage of adolescence.  If having everything under control during childhood worked, the same application will have become outdated by the time they become teens and will best be addressed by psychological intervention.

Having the opportunity to discuss and reflect on how psychological issues related to raising children and the difficulties faced help a great deal in understanding yourself as parent, it also tones down anxiety levels, aiding you to accept your uniqueness better as an individual.  Some parents though are intimidated by psychological assistance, as if this could lead to severity of problems or disruption of family life.  But by not addressing it, the more issues become complicated.  The best solution would be to address this problem appropriately by using tools and resources, such as professional psychologists, that will overcome the difficulties that may occur in the relationship between parents and children.

Keeping interested in your own projects, career, and enjoying your own space without having to be always a "parent" allows you to maintain your confidence level; that sends a positive message to your children that you are an important model of adult life.  It reassures them that despite your responsibilities and commitments, it is also possible to have a life that is complete and satisfactory.

We may derive inspiration from a quote taken from the latest research in psychology that  goes like this: "The welfare of a child springs forth through the well-being of his/her parent."

Dr. Maduli is a director of the department of psychology, developmental psychology on adolescents and family, Psychology SRM in Rome, Italy.  She is a leading expert in psychology, disturbance, and problems in childhood or disturbance and problems in adolescence, marital and family problems, relative-affective disorders.  She has appeared in various television and radio programs and magazines as an advising expert in psychology and psychopathology topics.

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