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Home for the Holy Days

By on December 1, 2011
Photo © Elena Derevtsova
 
As winter deepens into her darkest days, families gather to celebrate the end of a year with gratitude. Supposedly. Sometimes the celebrations are less than joyous because of old dynamics, stressful schedules, and other factors. Here are a few ideas that you can implement to help create an atmosphere that supports peaceful gatherings and supportive interactions.

One of the strains on family dynamics comes from holding on to past perceptions, and from a Feng Shui perspective, these old patterns are emphasized by pictures from the past put on display without an updated framework. I have been in numerous homes where there are large pictures of a child in elementary school, only to discover upon further questioning that said child is now in university. Such a set-up is bound to create a ‘you always treat me like a kid’ level of frustration and resentment on the part of the child.

An old photograph or two is fine when placed alongside more prominent displays of recent outings and accomplishments, but oversized pictures of children from years back  – or too many of them – make them feel that they are not good enough as they are now. Have the most recent pictures prominently displayed, by either keeping them in the foreground or having them on the wall with smaller pictures below. By all means have a picture of a dearly departed relative or grandparent looking at their descendants, but bridge any past picture with others taken within the last year.

Our cellular memory can easily trigger old emotional patterns, and entering the home in which we grew up or lived in the past can automatically cause an age recession, where we seem to act as we did in the past. Doing what you can to shift the surroundings can help open up the possibility of being more in present time without the hypnotic pull of past patterns. Move the living room around, or get new art on the walls. Perhaps it’s time to update the couch – simply reupholstering it as opposed to ditching it can be a more affordable change. While some family heirlooms and familiar pieces – a set of drinking glasses or Grandma’s china cabinet – can provide an appropriate bridge to the past, if the bulk of the house hasn’t evolved in a decade or two, then you might discover that ‘you just never change’ (and not in the good sense) becomes an underlying motif in the family dynamic.

I am not advocating expensive renovations or purchases every few years or the ditching of all beloved furniture; rather, engage consciously with what you have in your space and consider if it fully reflects your envisioned style as you move into the future. Something as simple as a new tablecloth, a fresh work of art on the wall, or a revised room layout can help shift the setting enough to enable new dynamics to evolve.

Plants and flowers symbolize family relationships, the Wood element being the representative natural expression (we talk about a Family Tree). Having your plants be in good condition can help family relationships blossom more fully – just as the Native American expression “There is no tree whose branches are foolish enough to fight amongst themselves”, so too can healthy plants encourage more harmonious interactions. Keep your plants well watered and dust-free to encourage a fresher air (literally) to your communications and state of being.

Limiting the fiery red tones often used at holidays can also help: fire burns up wood, and so too much red can lead to frazzled mindsets and brittle communications as a result of feeling burned out. While the Fire element can be beautifully represented with candles and soft lighting, adding a few hints of blue (there are many trendy Christmas decorations with an aquamarine shade) can help to nurture a more soothing environment (after all, Water feeds Wood). If using red poinsettias, they function best at the back center of the home, the Fame and Reputation area, where their pointy leaves and uplifting reds can nurture the element that relates to looking up to someone and seeing them in the best light.

May your relationships be warm and nurturing, and your holidays be bright.

Mark Ainley is a Contemporary Feng Shui Consultant and Emotional Stress Consultant living in Vancouver. A former 5-year resident of Tokyo, Mark consults with clients internationally to help them design living and work spaces in alignment with their goals. He also provides consulting in emotional stress management, as well as in the connection between facial structure and innate behavioural and communication patterns. He can be reached through his website: www.markainley.com, and his latest blog: www.fengshuiwithease.com.

About Mark Ainley

Mark Ainley is a Contemporary Feng Shui Consultant and Emotional Stress Consultant living in Vancouver. A former 5-year resident of Tokyo, Mark consults with clients internationally to help them design living and work spaces in alignment with their goals. He also provides consulting in emotional stress management, as well as in the connection between facial structure and innate behavioural and communication patterns. He can be reached through his website: www.senseofspace.com and www.markainley.com.