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Rekindling the flame

By on February 4, 2013
Valentine’s Day has become a time to focus on love and romance for those who are either single or partnered. Ideally, we shouldn’t require a particular day to remind us of honouring harmonious romantic relation- ships; it should be a natural instinct and expression of self without needing to lapse into sentimental overkill. There is a connection between how people settle into patterns and habits and how the things in their home environment settle and stagnate. If you want to enliven and invigorate your relationship, it is important to reexamine your surroundings, attitudes, and behaviours.Keeping things fresh is important for relationships to continue to blossom and grow. As such, updating your perspective and how you see yourself, your partner, and your coupling is essential. Nothing will keep your relationship locked in past patterns quite like old pictures of you as a couple. When the pictures of the two of you haven’t been updated since the engagement, wedding, and honeymoon, you are sure to compare your relationship now to how you had hoped the future would be, as opposed to accepting how it has actually evolved. But those same pictures placed alongside photos taken in intervening years will help create a visible timeline of the relationship, the early years of your relationship becoming landmarks as opposed to a final destination. At least one picture should be of a happy occasion in the last 6 to 12 months to help keep the evolution of your relationship current.

Updating objects is important too. If you keep old mementos front and center without upgrading them, it will feel as if your glory days were in the past. Old wedding bouquets are a big no-no: they were once fresh and now have dried up… that is not how you want your marriage to feel. Use the petals in a bath, and enjoy fresh bouquets of flowers. One couple I know buys flowers every week – in the 16 years of their relationship, that has never stopped. One doesn’t need to have new presents to keep a union alive, but authentic expressions of caring expressed this way can be a terrific gift to both parties.

Purchases made not just for anniversaries and birthdays but because you think your partner would enjoy them will make these gifts a sign that you care rather than an empty gesture with a self-serving desired outcome.

Which brings us to the next important point: not taking each other for granted. Settling into a routine is one thing, but when things stagnate and the special moments stop coming, one feels as though the relationship has passed its best-before date. ‘Date night’ can become just a routine – while it can be a great idea for parents with kids to have a scheduled night off, varying things as much as possible will help it feel like less of an item on a ‘to do’ list and more of a genuine expression of your love for spending time with one another. Change the days of the week, if possible, and change your activities up – try new things. Rather than always going out to dinner or a movie, try a new activity, explore a different part of town… be spontaneous.

Clear communication is important for any relationship to thrive. One way to make sure that things are appropriately on the table (so to speak) is keeping your closets in order, with doors closed. Closet doors that are regularly kept open (when not in use, of course) can blur the boundary between your inner and outer worlds; the result can be that your inner voice comes out while what should be communicated remains inside. To avoid secrecy and resentment from taking root, ensure that closet doors function well and are kept closed. If mirrored, they should be kept sparkling clean. The insides count too: have things be organized and accessible,
rather than an avalanche waiting to happen.

A few other hints (most of which I’ve written about in earlier columns):

– Opt for warmer colours in the bedroom; avoid dark wall colours and sheets
– Have matching end tables and lamps on each side of the bed
– Avoid high furniture near the bed or shelving above the bed
– Make sure each person’s objects and favourites are easily accessible so that they
don’t feel ‘less than’ the other

May your love and partnership continue to blossom for years.

Mark Ainley is a Contemporary Feng Shui Consultant and Emotional Stress Consultant living in Vancouver. A former 5-year resident of Tokyo, Mark consults with clients internationally to help them design living and work spaces in alignment with their goals. He also provides consulting in emotional stress management, as well as in the connection between facial structure and innate behavioural and communication patterns. He can be reached through his website: www.markainley.com, and his latest blog: www.fengshuiwithease.com.

About Mark Ainley

Mark Ainley is a Contemporary Feng Shui Consultant and Emotional Stress Consultant living in Vancouver. A former 5-year resident of Tokyo, Mark consults with clients internationally to help them design living and work spaces in alignment with their goals. He also provides consulting in emotional stress management, as well as in the connection between facial structure and innate behavioural and communication patterns. He can be reached through his website: www.senseofspace.com and www.markainley.com.