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Confession of a Japanese mom: How to win a meal fight with just one word

By on November 12, 2015

Dinner is the most challenging time of day for parents.
Feeding our kids often raise different kinds of issues from picky eaters to kids who play with their food.  When it comes to parenting style, all parents are different. There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all approach. But, according to one Japanese mom, a logical approach works wonders.

I have two sons: Taro 3 and a half, and Jiro, 1 year old.

As my husband works irregular hours, dinner is usually just the kids and me. I have my youngest sit closer to me for ease in feeding.

Lately, Taro has been throwing tantrums at dinner time.
“I don’t want to eat dinner! Taro will eat ice cream!” he screams out loud barely touching his food.

On one rare occasion, my husband came home early. Not even 20% of the food was touched. Taro says to me, “I’m full. Now, I want to have ice cream.”

I’ve sort of gotten used to this routine. I must admit my son always gets away with it. But I can’t help being distracted when Taro starts to play with his food and pours soup on his rice.. and all the clutter!

I was about to take the ice cream from the fridge like I’ve always done when my husband stopped me.

“Taro, come sit on my lap. Let’s have a little chat,” he says gently to our son.

Taro, sensing that he will not have ice cream, suddenly throws tantrums and cries. It took some time before Taro went to the living room where his dad was. Finally, he agrees and slowly walks to his father’s side.

“Taro, you always give Mom a present that you create, don’t you?”

“Yes. And today, I picked a flower for her. I wrapped it with paper and gave it to Mom,” answers Taro.

“What did Mom say?” asked my husband.

“Mom said she was pleased. She put the flower there on display,” says Taro pointing to the vase.

“So what if Mom tells Taro that she doesn’t need your present but wants something else? How would you feel?”

Taro pulls a face and says, “Noooo!”

Taro’s face turns bright red out of embarrassment and cries.
Children are very sensitive and easily get hurt so what his dad said to him came as a shock.

My husband continues, “It takes pain for Mom to create a present for you everyday. Then you tell her that you don’t want it and you throw it away. How do you think Mom feels?”

“I’m sorry Mom,” says Taro as he bursts into tears of guilt and cries loudly.

My husband’s smart use of the word “present” really sank in.

The next meal time has never become more pleasant. Taro not only eats the food I put on the table, he also scrapes his rice off the bowl with his spoon neatly without leaving a single grain!

Even though my husband rarely joins us for meals because of his job, I’m grateful for his thoughtful parenting.  All because of one key word, I no longer feel alone in a crowd.

To me, that’s the greatest ‘PRESENT’ ever!

About Tracy Nakayama