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Is your child an Olympic hopeful?

By on October 3, 2016

“HOW IS A PARENT TO KNOW THAT HER CHLD’S GOAL IS REALISTIC?

I can’t imagine that any parent would discourage their young child from following his dreams, no matter how lofty. However, as any parent of an elite athlete or Olympian will likely tell you, there’s a high price to pay – and not just financial – for this pursuit. A price many say is worth every penny and time spent, but one which both parent and child need to go into with their eyes wide open.

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And how is a parent to know that her child’s goal is realistic? My advice is to take some direction from a coach or teacher who has likely worked with hundreds of other children your child’s age. He is likely able to spot exceptionality and to identify innate talent. Keep in mind, however, that the right amount of passion and desire, along with the right training, even when a child does not show great ability at a young age, can over time lead to a very exciting future.

Along the road to realizing her dream, your child, yourselves and any siblings, will need to prepare for what lies ahead. If your child is to perform amongst other elite athletes, he will have to sacrifice a “normal” childhood of hanging out with friends after school and attending weekend birthday parties, for example, in exchange for gruelling training sessions. Your family may have to forfeit an annual vacation for time required to travel to competitions instead and you may even have to turn down a job offer in another city so that your child may remain with her coach.

In addition, siblings may resent the time you’re putting into their brother or sister and do not always feel the pride that you do.

So, along the way, I suggest that parents and their children re evaluate – at the end of each year, for example – their commitment to the lifestyle required of an elite athlete and his family. When you decide to stand behind your child’s passion and when you invest your time and money remember that the investment is somewhat risky and does not guarantee only one outcome.

In addition, its important that parents enter into this commitment with the conviction to never guilt, shame or pressure their child into continuing despite signs of extreme physical or mental fatigue. Hard physical work does pay off, but there is a great degree of mental stamina required too and there’s nothing shameful about realizing that the commitment required as she climbs the ranks, is more than she (or you) can manage or that the activity is no longer pleasurable but only hard work and drudgery. After persisting through each new hurdle, both parent and child need to watch for the warning signs of burn out and to know when to bow out gracefully.

Also, keep in mind that although the long term destination may be receiving a gold medal, the journey is equally important, no matter how far the distance. Along the way, you will have shown the kind of encouragement that helps a child feel very special and supported and will likely have created a strong bond between you. She will have developed character by working as part of a team – both on and off the playing field at home. He will have developed a strong work ethic and heightened level of responsibility. She will have learnt about the importance of self motivation and resilience.

And through it all, no matter the extent that your child takes his love and determination for a specific activity, try not to have her athletic skills define her. Remember to compliment her when she’s loyal to her peers, when she supports her sibling or when she gives you a hand around the house. Then, when or if your child decides that she wants to live a different lifestyle, she will not feel worthless outside of being an athlete.

After seeing the loving connection, the pride and joy that parents of the Olympic athletes showed their children in front of the world, one has to believe that the sacrifices and the commitment are worth helping your child pursue or fulfill his dream.

About Sara Dimerman (aka HelpMeSara)

Sara Dimerman has been an individual, couple and family therapist for over twenty years. She is one of North America’s most trusted parenting and relationship experts and the author of three books - 'Am I A Normal Parent?', 'Character Is the Key' and a book for couples – ‘How can I be your Lover when I’m too Busy Being your Mother?’ Learn more or listen to advice from Sara and her colleagues by searching for ‘helpmesara’ podcasts on iTunes or by visiting www.helpmesara.com. Check out her Facebook page at www.facebook.com/saradimermanhelpmesara or follow Sara on Twitter @helpmesara.