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Japanese couples sleep in separate beds, seldom kiss each other but many are happy in their marriages, says new survey.

By on November 21, 2017

One in three marriages in Japan leads to divorce. Many have cast doubt on the notion that unhappy marriage is likely the result of the absence of intimacy in Japanese couples.

A recent survey shows that the number of Japanese couples who sleep in separate beds, very seldom kiss each other and call their partners “oi”, “chotto” (loosely translated to ‘hey’ in English), “omae” (you) increases with age. But it also shows that 70% of 1,662 couples surveyed are generally contented with their marriages.

The data on married couples were among the findings of a survey by Gurunavi, a Japanese gourmet website guide, on its members in the 20-69 age range from Nov 10-13, 2017. The survey runs every year on the occasion of “Ii Fufu No Hi”  (Good couples’ day) celebrated in Japan on Nov. 22.

How do Japanese couples call each other?

It may be a surprise to many that terms of endearment such as an affectionate “honey” or “darling” is rarely used in Japan because in Japanese culture, politeness is being indirect. This is evident in how husbands and wives call each other.

According to the survey, just 2% of young married couples in their 20s to 30s call their partner ‘hey’.
In couples aged 40 and up, the number is slightly higher at 7%. Only 22% call their wives by name (with the Japanese honorific “san” or “chan” attached to it) while 24% call their life partner “okasan” (mother) or “mama”. Men who call their their wives by their nickname is 15.8%.

Of the female respondents, 33.7% refer to their husbands as “otosan” (father) or “papa” while just 25.3% call their husbands by name with the “san” or “chan” at the end. 6.8% of Japanese wives call their partners “ne” “chotto” (hey) or “anata” (you). Just 19% of women call their husbands by their nicknames.

Sleeping arrangement

Only 29.2% of couples sleep in the same bed. Of these couples, 47.9% are in their 20s and 14.8% in their 60s.  30.9% sleep in separate rooms while 39.1% sleep in the same room on separate beds.

Display of affection and appreciation

Japanese couples are not big on showering each other with kisses but 41% of wives say “thank you” to their husbands every day for a kind gesture.  Of those husbands surveyed, 19.1% never say “thank you” and 65.6% never kiss their partners. Only 24.3% of wives say they kiss their husbands everyday.

Wedding anniversary

The study reveals that 42.3% of couples eat out on their wedding anniversary spending an average of ¥6,337.

About Ted Tanaka