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A Brave New Year

By on January 7, 2018

I belong to a women’s group that has been meeting monthly for over 15 years. We don’t have cocktails, or trade recipes, we drink tea and listen deeply to each others’ joys and struggles.

In a world so full of busy-ness and rife with the temptation to look good, keep smiling, and never let them see you sweat, these monthly gatherings are an oasis of authenticity, mindfulness, and soul-nourishing connection.

Having this place where my honne – my true feelings and desires – can be expressed without fear of being judged in the eyes of others, creates a fertile environment for self-realization. As we each share our stories, the deep listening encourages each of us to dig deeper for our personal truth the tatemae public face we feel we must wear for others.

On a recent such evening, one of these amazing women spoke of gaining a new perspective on her lack of certainty about the way forward – something that had been a great source of frustration for her. Was it possible, she had been asking herself, that the fact that she couldn’t see clearly what was next for her was actually an indication that she was finally following her own path?

The discussion moved on quickly from this statement, but the idea kept rolling around in my head for days. Looking back on my own life – and on three decades of helping clients find a clear path forward from where they are to where they want to be in their life, work or business. – I was struck by how true and important this idea is. Looking back I realized that this constant searching for a clear path is one of the key limiting beliefs that keeps people from doing what they need to do in order to create the life, career or business that will offer them the greatest success and fulfillment.

Why?

Each person, each life and each business is unique. As much as you can read what others have done, take courses on anything you might need to know, and emulate the systems and habits of the successful people who’ve gone before you, there comes a point where you must forge your own path. When people get to the point where the path stops or the way forward isn’t clear, most assume they’ve somehow done something wrong. They backtrack. They start over. They stand there feeling stuck searching for the secret door that will open and lead to certainty and a clear way forward.

Following paths that others have paved does help to achieve some degree of material and career success, but most people eventually get to the point where they begin searching for something more. Whether they’ve either achieved success in worldly terms or simply exhausted themselves in the pursuit of it, they want a path that feels purposeful. They want meaningful work, to be part of a purpose-driven business, to be able to express their authentic selves in all areas of their life and work, and to have a fully integrated life where all parts of themselves can thrive. This type of soulful success is, by nature, unique to each individual person. It follows, therefore, that anyone seeking it will need to carve their own path.

The challenge is that most people don’t recognize this. They’ve achieved what they have in life because they have become good at following paths laid down by others. It is hard-wired in us to look for teachers to show us the way. We believe that there must be an “answer” or a “secret” that, once discovered, will make everything clear and have us sailing forward.

This belief stops you from doing what you need to do to “find” your way forward. When you’re looking for a clear and proven way forward, any confusion about what to do next can fan the flames of self-doubt to the point where you throw water on the fragile fire of your dreams. Believing that not having a clear path forward means you’ve made a mistake, is, in itself, a mistake. It causes you to stop what you’re doing, often when you are just about to experience the results of your efforts, or gain a crucial insight you need to move forward. It causes you to waste time trying to go back to a previous step and figure out where you went wrong. It focuses you outward looking for faster, easier or more certain solutions. It makes you scrap everything and start over.

To come alive to your full potential, you need to stop trying to “find” your path, and step forward into the wilderness to create it. If you are doing the right things. If you are truly being authentic. If you are constantly seeking to move towards greater integrity, alignment and wholeness in your life, then you will ultimately have to go – in Star Trek fan terms – where no one has gone before. This is not a cause for despair, it is a cause for celebration. You are facing your right of passage. You are now at a place where you have gained the wisdom and courage to pave the way for yourself. While this feeling of going off into the wilderness might be scary, it can also be exciting. The hard work of carving your own path also brings with it a sense of fulfillment when you recognize that, by charting your own path, there is a good chance that your new path will eventually be paving the way for others who are not quite ready yet to carve their own.

This idea is particularly relevant for foreigners living in Japan. The experience of living overseas sparks confusion over and contemplation of one’s direction in life. Embrace the lack of clarity that immersion in a new culture can bring and be wary of this tendency to seek the well-trodden path. Consider following the advice from the famous Robert Frost poem, The Road Not Taken,

“Two roads diverged in a wood and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

Above all, as a new year opens, consider what brave new path you are being called to follow and have the courage to step forward into the wilderness, embrace your potential and pave the way towards a better future for us all.

About Andrea Jacques

Andrea Jacques is the founder of Kyosei Consulting and the author of Wabi-Sabi Wisdom: Inspiration for an Authentic Life (available on Amazon.com). She has spent more than 30 years developing the potential of people and businesses worldwide, five of which were in Japan. A dynamic speaker, coach, and facilitator, her work integrates spiritual insight with top-tier leadership, wellness and sustainability consulting to help individuals and organizations build thriving, purpose-driven cultures where employees know their work truly matters. She can be contacted through her website at www.kyoseiconsulting.com